Entry June 23 – 1.1
The clinking of the silverware around us seemed to echo more loudly than it should have. I didn’t know who he was and it increased how nervous I was to meet him. But I’ve been told that I know him, though I’ve never met him in person until now. All I knew was that everyone I met these past few days have been with me most of my life. They were my family and closest friends, all of whom I don’t remember. And this man sitting across the dinner table from me, in a restaurant where the waiters know me by name and my favorite drink (iced tea, no lemon), is the last chance that I have at remembering who I was before my accident.
His name was Ty. Plain and simple.
In many ways his features reminded me of Nathan, from his height to his hair color, his green eyes and even his lean build. Though they didn’t look alike at all. His green eyes were slightly bluer, almost dull yet so deep as if I’d fall into them if I stared long enough. His facial hair was gruffier, stubbly and thick across his strong chin and over his full lips. The long wavy locks of his dark hair fell to the nape of his neck, drawing in a bit of mystery. It was unkempt yet very attractive all the same.
But the biggest difference from his first impression to Nathan’s, was the way his smile reached his eyes; permeating through to his crows feet and slight wrinkles from a face that was longer in his twenties. Tired, endearing, mysterious, loving, and not scared or sad. They weren’t hopeful and didn’t search for something that wasn’t there. No, not like Nathan’s at all. His greens were happy, plain and simple as his name. They were full of excitement and maybe a bit nervous but with no hint of pity. And though I was told I’d never seen him before, in the flesh anyway, it was the first time since I awoke in that hospital bed that I felt as if I really did know all the people that I’ve spent my past few months with. That they really were my family and Nathan really was my husband, because I felt as if I knew Ty really was my friend.
It was awkward at first and we stayed quiet for a while, save for ordering our meals from the server. I sat and sipped my tea and he drank his coke.
I wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was the most at ease I’ve felt in a few weeks. Once we started talking, our conversations were so natural and unforced. He didn’t drill me and ask me questions that he knew I didn’t have answers to. It was truly as if we really we had just picked up from the last conversation we had and I was beginning to feel normal, whatever that may be. For the first time, I didn’t have to try to remember anything or anyone, because we talked about what I did know and nothing of what I should remember. For the first time, my smiles were sincere and his laughter rang in my head like the sweetest melody. Perhaps even familiar.
“So,” I started to say after two hours of talking about why my condition is way better than Lucy from 50 first dates, “we really have never met before?”
“No,” he said doubtfully, shaking his head slightly and smirking as if that wasn’t quite the right answer.
I tilted my head and squinted my eyes with my unfaltering smile, catching his hesitation. So I asked, “Then what makes you or Nathan think that meeting someone that I have never met or seen before will help me remember who I was?”
“Who you are,” he corrected me. “You haven’t lost who you are,” he said.
I didn’t have a reply to that. It was unexpected and I just sat there and stared at him with curiosity, trying to read his face. It was hard because all he did was sip his coke and smile.
“How do you know?” I asked slowly, still curious.
He was quiet at first, except for a small ‘hmph’ that slid in behind his smile and he looked back at me and said, “You’re the same Sunny, even if you don’t remember. Everything that you’ve done tonight, from the way you smile to the way you cover your face with hair when you’re embarrassed. I know. I’ve seen it.”
“You have?” I asked under my breath. He heard me.
It was Ty’s turn to be shocked. I could tell that he’d let something slip that he wasn’t supposed to. And it made me more interested now than before.
“I… I thought you said we never met before,” I said.
The confusion on my face was real and he sat there and studied me for a few seconds. His eyes followed the furrow of my brow line, down my eyes to my nose and lingered on my lips. I unknowingly twitched and bit my bottom lip. He smiled again.
“Just the same,” he whispered with that same smirk he’d been flashing all evening, looking from my face to his empty glass.
Then the silence came again but now I was getting nervous. I didn’t want to leave but I was hesitating to find out the truth. Everything that I have been told about who I was and what I liked and where I’ve been didn’t matter at this moment. It was tonight that I think I really started to regain some semblance of me. Ty told me so and for some reason, I believed him. It wasn’t just the way he talked to me or all the random stuff that we discussed. It was the way he looked at me. Neither Nathan, or Moony, my own sister, didn’t look at me the way Ty did tonight. I could sense their love and hope for me to remember who they are and what they mean to me. But Ty seemed to want to get to know the ‘me now’ rather than the ‘me-then’, and so I did. And I wanted tell him.
After a few more minutes of silence and his relentless in answering how he knew I hadn’t changed, I attempted to continue the conversation. “How…” but was stopped.
“We’ve seen each other before,” he interrupted but paused for a few seconds, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’ve, um, shared pictures and I’ve seen you on videos and you’ve seen me. We’ve talked through video chat,” he stuttered in his explanation, not quite meeting my eyes. “A few times.”
My mouth stayed open, stopped in my attempt to finish my question and my heart skipped a few beats. We have seen each other then, on video and through online chat.
“Oh,” I said in surprise, “I was just going to ask how long you were going to be in town?”
. . . . .
Embracing the Greys 